Tip Junkie
Life Pro Tip #1: In order to get the best sleep, avoid eating three hours before bedtime and avoid drinking liquids two hours before bedtime.
I must have broken the drinking rule last night.
Here I am, up early with a full bladder.
Life Pro Tip #2: If you wake up before your alarm goes off, avoid looking at the time in order to get back to sleep easily.
Another broken rule.
It’s 5:30 AM.
My alarm won’t go off until 6:45.
Back to bed.
Life Pro Tip #3: If you wake up less than one hour before your alarm, avoid trying to go back to sleep. An hour is not enough time to complete a REM cycle and you will wake up feeling less rested than if you would have stayed awake.
Okay, I’ve got just enough time to complete a REM cycle, whatever that means.
Wait… don’t tips #2 and #3 contradict each other?
If I avoided looking at the time, how would I have known how long I had before my alarm?
Crap, did I set my alarm for 6:45 or 6:15?
Do I have an hour and fifteen minutes or only forty-five minutes?
What is it with these tips always telling you to avoid things?
Avoid.
Avoid.
A void.
Fuck.
Out of bed.
5:55 AM.
I might as well write.
“Life Pro Tip #1…”
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